We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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