Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
