We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
this is an emotional support booty call
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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