they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
