My underwear smells like fireworks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
