Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
