I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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