I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
