it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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