Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
