so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
