i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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