I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
