He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
