just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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