wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
