If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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