no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
