yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
