So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
