You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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