this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
