You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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