it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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