Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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