So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
