when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
