Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You took a bar mat shot.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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