so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
