we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
