apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
