note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
