Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
how does that bad decision feel?
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