You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Mom said you looked used
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
