I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
