I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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