AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
