You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
