yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
