i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
