I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
