Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
