Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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