I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pants are for mortals
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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