I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
