everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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