dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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