Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize