matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
