omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
