My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
