I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
