walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
