I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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