i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
