I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
