We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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