OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
