someone get that fucking seahorse.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
