guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
