i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize