Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We got so high we made milksteak
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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