you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
