Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
