i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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