I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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