Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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