Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
