First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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